Well, it seems to me that we have reached a somewhat pivotal point in our relationship, and so it falls to me to make this rather hasty statement, because, in keeping with the social conventions of my geographical location, cannibalism is frowned upon. Now, the interweb is a valuable tool in linking communities, and I daresay there are a number of individuals prowling amongst us who not only applaud cannibalism, but embrace it as a constituent of their day-to-day lives. This is, clearly, an equal opportunities webspace, so I have no qualms about you going about your business. Indeed, I only speak in this manner because I am aware that the people holding the above views are in a significant minority; in this day and age, it is essential to go with the majority, or else the consequences could well be dramatic, and since I have no desire to be rapidly promoted to the higher echelons of the secular society, and, in a very short space of time, elevated to the status of a cult legend, I find this a sensible course of action. Obviously, once again, cult leaders are entitled to live their lives free from discrimination, but… the power would go to my head, and I may well end up running some sort of administration which has the audacity to claim the title of ‘leader of the Free World’.
You should note here that my use of capitalisation in ‘Free World’ is used purely for derogatory purposes.
Anyway, that said, I have no current wish to terrify an avid readership from this veritable tome, hence the bright, cheerful statement with which I chose to begin my assualt upon your finely-attuned senses. It also sets the tone for a word of warning: this amicable nature to which you have become so accustomed over the last… two posts… may soon wear thin, and I don’t want to find myself saying things contrary to the aforementioned statement, no matter how amusing/cheering/sexy they may appear to the minority who would embrace me.
Heed this, then: if you, at any point, hear me speculating on the virtues of cannibalism, stop me; I implore you.
Unless your method of inducing cessation requires the liberal introduction of rough, pointy or absurdly ticklish objects into areas only ever speculated upon in the back pages of the seedier medical journals.
Thank you, and goodnight.